Lynn's ADSR #5

Journaling:

Should I really miss something I never had to begin with?
This question has weighed on my mind for the past
almost eleven years.
I found my biological parents in 1998, my biological mother in May and she helped me
find
my biological father in July. While my biological mother and I developed a some-
what strained friendship which
over time grew, my biological father “allowed” me to meet
him in person one time. He claimed at our meeting
that he wanted to be part of my life.
Telephone calls were awkward with weird silences or one of us talking
nervously so as to
end the silence. Letters and cards were never exchanged. Deep down, my biological father’s
lack of interest somehow got interpreted as lack of love. I find myself
wondering if he loves me. I can think
of a lot of reasons why he should, but none of
those thought up reasons will ever out-speak his actions, or
lack thereof. I have only
my memory of our one meeting. I don’t even really remember what he looked like. I
remember his step-daughter meeting us in the drive-way to tell me her children had the chicken pox and we might
not want to stay. My son developed the chicken
pox exactly 21 days later. That is really the most vivid memory
I have of that day. I wish I had just one photo of him. Instead, I have emptiness.


Credits:
- navy background by Rachel Young from Funky Junky
- Frame 1 (old paper) by Kate Hadfield from Funky Junky
- Frame 2 (note paper) by Michelle Godin from Funky Junky
- Frame 3 (vintage) by Michelle Godin from Funky Junky: summer Lovin'
- stitched buttons by Kate Hadfield from Funky Junky
- lace mat by Rachel Young from Funky Junky
- fabric wrap by Kate Hadfield from Funky Junky
- Love and Heart doodles by Kate Hadfield from Funky Junky: Spring Fling
- ? by Kate hadfield from Funky Junky (alpha)
- swirl doodle by Kate Hadfield from Funky Junky
- journal by Michelle Godin from Funky Junky: Spring Fling
- Font: Scrap Rhapsody